Married and sued [1 April 2006]

First of all, Ghirbis and I eloped this morning. It was a marriage of convenience. This is perfectly unremarkable, and unconsummated. I forget why we did it. Drunk or something.

Then Milirant showed up with a lawyer. He was suing me for Deprivation of Revenge, and Loss of a Sinecure, and Possession of a Seven-Winged Flamey Thing, and stuff like that.

Well, that was a bad combination, to be sure. My eyes started changing color to match my mood. Suddenly I was the best at everything, despite having no training, and nobody understood me at all, and then suddenly this telepathic mystical reindeer showed up and we got soul-bonded. That pissed off Ghirbis -- my wife! -- and my eyes turned a sort of speckled puce at the situation. Humiliating.

Then ... so much doom

Strenata:"Sythyry, I am gratuitiously and precariously in love with you!"

Me:"That's several months too late..."

Anoof:"And I, too, am in love with you, though mainly as an apology for setting you up with Ilottat."

Me:"I am not ready for a Cani in my life."

Ghirbis:"Despite having just married you, I actually love you too, Sythyry!"

Me:"But you promised not to!"

Chrentothany:"Similarly, I, medically and professionally, love you!"

Me:"Who are you?"

Chrentothany:"Look in the Dramatis Personae."

Me:"Oh, right. "

Levande:"I love you, despite, or perhaps because of, you tormenting my mammae for the last few months."

Me:"Oh, dearie."

Jarmiet:"I dutifully and professionally love you, perhaps becaue you have been a moderately adequate employer."

Me:"Aieee! Another Cani!"

Leiska:"I am in love with you, for Anoof's sake."

Me:"Another Cani? "

Llethillasessat:"You're so cuuuute! I loooooove you!"

Me:"The doom!"

Nthuur:"Since I was unable to kill you before, I have decided to love you."

Me:"The further doom!"

Pazi-Pazi:"prrr prrr prrrrrrrr"

Me:*breathes fire on Pazi-Pazi*

Pazi-Pazi:(hurt look, flees smouldering)

Ptefshi:"I hereby love you!"

Me:"Predictable!"

Tethezai:"And I, for my part, love Dustweed."

Me:"The doom ... no, the what?"

Tethezai:"I love Dustweed. "

Me:"Oh. Right."

Valeriant:"I ordinarily cannot speak, but I have temporarily overcome my vocal defect to inform you of my undying affection."

Me:"Alas, but you are better off silent."

Yarwain:"I love you, rrai!"

Me:"You're not even trying to keep to your proper characterization."

Milirant's lawyer:"I have just noticed that you are the half-sibling of Hezimikkinen, and, thus, exceedingly hard to sue. Can we settle out of court?"

Me:"Four hundred lozens?"

Milirant's lawyer:"That seems a small price for avoiding a court battle with you -- done! Our lawsuit is over!"

Everyone:"Sythyry! Your eyes are now monochromatic! We no longer love you!"

Me:"Just as well. Except for the Orren, of course. "