Sythyry's Journal (misspelled)'s Journal|
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|Sunday, April 12th, 2009|
cowboy_r: Calling a snail escargot doesn't stop it from
tasting like a salty loogie.
That was very hard to translate. Sythyry's form of Ketherian is the
high-class language for food: it's already effectively French.
Bard: "Calling a snail 'snail-in-Mrasteian' doesn't stop it from
tasting like a salty loogie." The words sound nearly the same, like
'snail' and 'snale', so I had to say "in Mrasteian".
Sythyry: "Yes, it does. If it's prepared by a Mrasteian chef, a
snail tastes like a salty loogie containing an incendiary combat
Bard: No, that's the wrong shade of meaning. Perhaps
'snail-in-the-Nice-Language? At least the words are more different.
Sythyry: Then it would taste like a salty loogie prepared in the
Umtangeian style, would it not? I do not specifically know how they cook
snails. Plum vinegar perhaps?
Bard: "No, that's getting more wrong. "Calling a
'snail-in-Umtangeian' a 'snail-in-Ketherian'" might be more accurate."
Sythyry: "Is it supposed to taste like a familiar and comforting
Bard:"No, that's not what he's getting at."
Sythyry:"Actually, I have had Mrasteian snails. They
don't seem nearly as mucus-like after they've been deep-fried in spicy
batter. Though I daresay the same would go for actual mucus as
Bard:"No, he's speaking metaphorically. He's saying, 'Even if you
call an unpleasant food by a fancier name, it is still an unpleasant
Sythyry:"That makes no sense. He's obviously
talking about snails, since I was talking about snails. And snails aren't
an unpleasant food."
Bard:"I don't believe he likes to eat insects either."
Sythyry:"Tell your friend with the refined sensibilities that he
should try them deep-fried in spicy batter."
Bard:"He's not asking for recipes. I think he's making a point
about fancy language not covering up an underlying noxious reality.
Probably related to the various dancing that the wizards were doing avoid
using some unpleasant and accurate words about the wars they were
planning to start."
Sythyry:"Which is all very well, and I certainly appreciate the
sentiment, but why is he insulting snails in particular?"
|Wednesday, October 8th, 2008|
Gacked from pyat: Yes, it’s the “controversial meme!”. For your
convenience and safety, I'm going to get Vae's answers, for nendrai when
appropriate, but giving her a basic education in the topics.
-  Would you do meth if it was legalized?
The meth I would do if a prime gave it to me. The precautions I would take
would be, an aeddfediant upon the meth so that it would become water if any
surprising situation were to occur.
-  Abortion: for or against it? The egg should be laid in many
cases, though if the mother's Corpador and Spiridor skills are sufficient, she
may turn the egg into something harmless without risking getting bits of her
own body. But laying an egg is not a great danger to a nendrai. The after it
is laid, it can be destroyed.
-  Do you think the world would fail with a female president? The
failure would come from having a president! The world is too big and too messy
for one person to rule.
-  Do you believe in the death penalty?
The death penalty is very real! The friends of mine risk it now and then!
The die-seven-times-and-then-be-imprisoned-for-life penalty I have heard of
-  Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
The law against the wild herb seems somewhat crazed in the first place.
-  Are you for or against premarital sex? Not often do nendrai
marry! Not easily do we live together, for we are proud and vicious. If
there were no premarital sex, there would be no new nendrai. The good thing
this would be, until Gnarn makes a worse monster.
-  Do you believe in God?
The instrument of discord and terror of a god am I. The belief is beside
-  Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized? It is, in
all places I know. The cross-species marriage seems more troublesome than
not, save for a few compatible species, I suppose.
-  Do you think it's wrong that so many aliens (of race, not ETs) are
illegally moving to the USA?
If humans can live together normally -- and I hear they do -- then there
should be no major concerns. The nendrai who moves into the territory of
another nendrai (or any other great beast) must expect a substantial
-  A twelve year old girl has a baby, should she keep it? The
eggs take far longer than twelve years to hatch, so the baby cannot be hers.
The mother of the baby should get the baby back as soon as appropriate. Not
instant this may be: perhaps the girl is the babysitter. (Or perhaps there
has been some violence of Tempador cast upon her? If she cannot raise her
own baby properly, best to kill it and try again when she can.)
-  Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
The long-aged alcohols can be quite nice! Limiting the aging to eighteen
years would be a pity.
Revision after explanation: Nendrai should never be allowed to drink
to drunkenness, no matter how old they are. Not safe enough are we when we
-  Should the war in Iraq be called off?
The war that has gone for more than a week or two is already lost by both
-  Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree? The happily enough
will I assist any friend with their suicide, if it comes to that.
-  Do you believe in spanking your children? The I believe in
conjuring up packs of dangerous elementals and sending them to attack your
children. For how else will your children learn to fight? But pain for its
own sake is to be avoided: your child and your playthings ought to be
-  Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Not simply that! The vast spray of fireworks it would become, for all the
city to see. Not by halves does a nendrai entertain!
-  Who do you think would make a better president? McCain or
Not well do I appreciate the details of this contest. But Obama seems less
likely to die and be replaced by an idiot than McCain.
-  Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your
The judgment of Sythyry I am well used to. The judgment of Oixe would be
similar to my own. What others should I think about?
|Saturday, September 22nd, 2007|
(Gacked and hacked from allessindraYou're on my friends list. I'd like to know 27 things about you. Just copy and hit reply and paste in the comments section with answers. (All comments are screened) Thanks!
Then copy the meme and see if anyone answers you. You'll be surprised how much you didn't know about your friends!
- Do you have any radiation damage?
- How old are you?
- Are you single, taken or somewhere in-between?
- Jammies, t-shirt or naked in the bathtub?
- Am I addicted to job trouble?
- Do you dance in color?
- Would you like some white wine to go with your quails?
- Ever seen a limnetic hellgrammite?
- Which of the following games are you most like a character from: Chess, poker, D&D or WoW?
- How did we meet?
- Why aren't you afraid of plums?
- Are lives are really just reproductive modes? Or is there more?
- If you could go anywhere or do anything with me, what would it be?
- Do you trust the city guard?
- Do you like puppet shows?
- What is your fondest memory of me?
- If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
- Would you cheat?
- What are you making?
- What's your favorite 'silly' vice.
- Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to?
- If I only had one day to visit, what would we do together?
- Which do you prefer - short or long tail?
- What's your favorite phrase of the moon?
- What's your favorite color?
- If you could bring back anyone that has died, who would it be?
- Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you?
Is it strange to want to have a good book with people of the opposite sexual
- Why is a decorous necromantic Mafioso throwing a chain saw at me?
- What was your first impression of me?
- Cani, Sleeth, or ...
- Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
- What do you think of my 27?
I'll join in the BS test meme. (gacked from chipuni.
Post five statements about yourself. Four must be true, one must be an
outright lie. How well do you know me?
- When I eat peas or other small round foods, I feel obliged to arrange them
in a circle and eat them clockwise, starting at the bottom.
- I cannot actually fall asleep without a tot of brandy anymore.
- I want to get a bright glowing orange star on my chest, to contrast with
my otherwise somewhat excessive dim blueness. I haven't quite gotten around
to doing this as an enchantment project yet.
I have fifteen small Vheshrame flags on little dowels pointing up around my
bedroom. Most of them are being used as bookmarks. They are in case a
Vheshrame city official visits and questions my loyalty.
The last time I got sufficiently drunk, I fondled a great deal of Anoof.
Anoof was a great deal of tolerant. Probably because he was sufficiently drunk.
I want to get a swarm of bees as a pet.
I'm still upset at Spirshash.
|Friday, August 31st, 2007|
|Wednesday, April 26th, 2006|
is not scientific, and, therefore, likely to be flamed.
According to the Department of Approved Research, there are
twelve kinds of females. This report is correct, undeniable and not
subject to revision.
- Females about whose heads constantly orbit several
ceramic coffee cups.
- Females who frequently wrap copper-niobium wires around
legendary undead spirits.
- Females who construct starships from the contents of the
Fort Knox treasury.
- Females who have been inducted into the Mystic
Brotherhood of Urtz Xshashem P%n%rry $*##@#$!
- Females who have recently been flung from a large catapult and
will crash into the Stone of Spone within seconds.
- Females who have slain the Witch-King of Zongmar at least
once. And we're not talking video games here either.
- Females who professionally register chromed kites with
the Department of Approved Aviation.
- Females who would unambiguously prefer a slow agonizing
death at the stinger of the Doom Scorpion of Plung to
spending a pleasant evening alone or with a few
- Females whose revenge upon Genghis Khan has been swift
and invincible and involving at least 12,000 gallons of
- Females whose collection of butterscotch sculptures of
famous classical symphonies is unarguably supreme in the
- Females whose brilliant use of farm equipment has
prevented the Fimbulwinter.
- Females currently dancing upon heaps of skulls for
purposes of computer programming.
- Females who have appeared in supporting roles in the
immortal TV horror show, "The Brady Bunch".
ObQuiz: Which are you? No excuses are acceptable,
including claims of not being female.
Current Mood: random
|Monday, April 24th, 2006|
The questions have been bipping around here and there for a while.
|1.) What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
||Being queer, of course. (My species is hermaphroditic;
no other decent species is. I am traff
(viz. transaffectionate) -- I am only
interested in people of other species. Who, therefore, must
have a different sex from me, and thus my interest in them
may be termed heterosexual. Only a strictly homosexual Zi
Ri could be considered non-queer.)
I'm pretty sure it's biological in origin. At least, I can't
remember any epiphany of heterosexuality.
|2.) When and how did you decide you were a
||A few months ago, under the influence of a very cute
||I have not yet done. I could be bisexual in some
degree. I also identify as neuter-sexed, which makes the
question of sexual orientation more confusing.
|3.) Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just
a phase that you may grow out of?
||Of course not!
||Perhaps, though after seventeen years' enthusiastic relationship with
the same opposite-sex person, it seems unlikely.
|4.) Is it possible that heterosexuality stems from a
neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
||Considering who my grandparents are, I would describe
any fear of members of the same sex as entirely reasonable.
As one component of several, perhaps.
|5.) Do your parents know you are straight? Do your
friends, co-workers and/or roommates know?
||Yes, on the whole. Many of them disapprove quite
||My parents do know, and many of my friends. I tend to
conceal the topic at work and on-line, except when it is
|6.) Why do you insist on flaunting your
heterosexuality? Can't you be who you are and be
||It's a matter of politics -- transaffectionate politics,
of course, concerned with the species rather than the gender
||I do try to be quiet about it. However, now that my
partner and I have a child, it's somewhat harder to hide.
|7.) Why do heterosexuals put so much emphasis on
||I don't put much emphasis on it. I can't speak
for anyone else.
|8.) Why do heterosexuals feel compelled to introduce
others to their lifestyle?
||I think more people should be free to date outside their
species, regardless of the sexes involved!
|9.) A disproportionate majority of child molesters
are heterosexual (97%). Do you consider it wise to expose
children to heterosexual teachers?
||What is this nonsense?
I'm not sure about this statistic, nor am I sure if the true
number is, indeed, a disproportionate number. Even
accepting it, I think that practical issues, for one, limit
our ability to eliminate heterosexual teachers.
|10.) Just what do men and women do in bed
||I wouldn't know ... my boyfriend wouldn't even touch me
when I was female. Or male.
||Snuggle exhaustedly and hope the baby doesn't wake up?
|11.) Bearing in mind the current divorce rate, why
are there so few stable relationships between
||It's probably the Orren ... Orren can't stay married for
more than a few years.
||I think the answer is pretty complicated. The ideal of
romantic love -- and the misconception that love doesn't
require maintenance -- might get a good share of the blame.
|12.) Considering the menace of overpopulation, how
could the human race survive if everyone was
||I know nothing of that species. My universe isn't
overpopulated; rather the opposite.
||A serious concern, to be sure. Though non-heterosexuals are quite
capable and willing to procreate as well as heterosexuals.
|13.) There seem to be very few happy
heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might
enable you to change if you really want to. Have you
considered aversion therapy?
||I despise mind-magic in all its forms, as do all decent
||If (1) I hadn't made life-long promises to my partner,
and (2) I thought that heterosexuality were actually the
issue, or even related, I might consider it. Under the
circumstances, though, it seems inappropriate and unwise.
|14.) Would you want your child to be heterosexual,
knowing the problems they would face?</td>
||Ow! I have no children, and plan to stay that way for
centuries to come!
I know that my child -- like anyone -- will face a wide
range of problems, regardless of sexual orientation. I hope
that he finds excellent love. I am not going to be too
fussy on the details.
|Saturday, April 8th, 2006|
I have to make a really big amount of fake blood for a costume and performance, but I don't really know why. Any ideas?( provenanceCollapse )
|Saturday, April 1st, 2006|
Married and sued [1 April 2006]
First of all, Ghirbis and I eloped this morning. It was a
marriage of convenience. This is perfectly unremarkable,
and unconsummated. I forget why we did it. Drunk or
Then Milirant showed up with a lawyer. He was suing me for
Deprivation of Revenge, and Loss of a Sinecure, and
Possession of a Seven-Winged Flamey Thing, and stuff
Well, that was a bad combination, to be sure. My eyes
started changing color to match my mood. Suddenly I was the
best at everything, despite having no training, and nobody
understood me at all, and then suddenly this telepathic
mystical reindeer showed up and we got soul-bonded. That
pissed off Ghirbis -- my wife! -- and my eyes turned a sort
of speckled puce at the situation. Humiliating.
Then ... so much doom
Strenata:"Sythyry, I am gratuitiously and
precariously in love with you!"
Me:"That's several months too late..."
Anoof:"And I, too, am in love with you, though
mainly as an apology for setting you up with
Me:"I am not ready for a Cani in my
Ghirbis:"Despite having just married you, I
actually love you too, Sythyry!"
Me:"But you promised not to!"
Chrentothany:"Similarly, I, medically and
professionally, love you!"
Me:"Who are you?"
Chrentothany:"Look in the Dramatis
Me:"Oh, right. "
Levande:"I love you, despite, or perhaps
because of, you tormenting my mammae for the last few
Jarmiet:"I dutifully and professionally love
you, perhaps becaue you have been a moderately adequate
Me:"Aieee! Another Cani!"
Leiska:"I am in love with you, for Anoof's
Me:"Another Cani? "
Llethillasessat:"You're so cuuuute! I
Nthuur:"Since I was unable to kill you before,
I have decided to love you."
Me:"The further doom!"
Pazi-Pazi:"prrr prrr prrrrrrrr"
Me:*breathes fire on Pazi-Pazi*
Pazi-Pazi:(hurt look, flees
Ptefshi:"I hereby love you!"
Tethezai:"And I, for my part, love
Me:"The doom ... no, the what?"
Tethezai:"I love Dustweed. "
Valeriant:"I ordinarily cannot speak, but I
have temporarily overcome my vocal defect to inform you of
my undying affection."
Me:"Alas, but you are better off
Yarwain:"I love you, rrai!"
Me:"You're not even trying to keep to
your proper characterization."
Milirant's lawyer:"I have just noticed that you
are the half-sibling of Hezimikkinen, and, thus, exceedingly
hard to sue. Can we settle out of court?"
Me:"Four hundred lozens?"
Milirant's lawyer:"That seems a small price for
avoiding a court battle with you -- done! Our lawsuit is over!"
Everyone:"Sythyry! Your eyes are now
monochromatic! We no longer love you!"
Me:"Just as well. Except for the Orren, of
|Monday, February 13th, 2006|
doesn't work very well for me, does it?
Sythyry's Journal is a 250,000 word fantasy novel set in 4260-1 World Tree. Sythyry is a a naive college student who believes in her culture's values without examining them or understanding them very deeply. She wants love, because She's young and horny. She is prevented from attaining this goal because She's a member of a very rare species, and kind of clueless.
|Tuesday, February 7th, 2006|
So ... my toaster is mainly usable against myself? But if I'm actually sane, why would I want to do that?
|Saturday, December 10th, 2005|
|Thursday, September 29th, 2005|
|I can never do any meme right
LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
trick-or-treating, dressed up as the disco revolution.
tricks you! You get a block of wood.
You get a dead frog.
you! You get a broken balloon.
you! You get a David Mamet omnibus.
tricks you! You get cooties.
you! You get drunk.
you! You get a rock.
tricks you! You get a wooden eggplant wearing a grass skirt.
tricks you! You get a toothbrush.
you! You get neutered.
|sythyry ends up with
a perch, a red dog, a broken record, a Marcel Proust omnibus, herpes,
bite marks, tickets to the Who, a wooden beet wearing a glass house,
two teethbrush, and tutored.
meme brought to you by rfreebern.
|Tuesday, September 27th, 2005|
Gavin Fox was trying to talk me into publishing a full
charsheet for Sythyry.
Gavin Fox: you can post it at sythery or something
Bard Bloom: I won't.
Gavin Fox: *waves his hand in front of you once* you should post zir stats at sythery
So, well, stupid Jedi mind tricks, what'm I gonna do?
, this one's for you.
Standard Deviation: a light blue-green
Kurtosis: An Indian-spiced white chocolate shake with mayonnaise and pancake syrup
Median: right down the center.
Mode: Sythyry does not have a mode. Zie's a lizard
Regression: When tired or cranky.
First Quartile: Beer
Last Quartile: Brandy. Current Mood: obnoxious
|Friday, September 23rd, 2005|
Blame terrycloth, here.
Blame him lots.
I [OOC - Sythyry? Or Bard? Neither one makes sense.] made
the mistake of giving Vae a copy of Lord of the
Rings, and, well, she insisted on writing fanfic. She's
not very good. And yeah, there's a prequel where she's
... um ... Vaery-Siw is dating Smaug. I don't get that,
especially since Smaug is, canonically, dead.
The terrible hordes of Mordor had overrun Osgilith and were
approaching the gates of Minas Tirith. The terrible
battering-ram Grod was carried by dozens of thuggish cave
trolls. A thousand orques marched on either side, and they
were flanked by gigantic oliphants. Nine Nazgul flew
overhead on cute winged lizardly steeds. Gondor was surely
"We are surely doomed," said Denethor, and made quite sure that
he, personally, was doomed.
"Alas! Who will save us?" asked Gandalf.
Vaery-Siw woke up in Smaug's bed, and stretched. "Ooh!
There's something magical going on in Gondor! Let me go
look! I'll be back in a minute, sweetie!" She winked one
whirling green eye at him. She was being
careful to talk the way everyone else did.
She appeared in the upper sky near Minas Tirith. "Oh,
this can't be good!" she said. She teleported down and
thwacked Grod with her tail. It turned into a big animate
wooden snake throwing lightning bolts from its horns, and
started eating cave trolls.
The orquish archers all shot nasty poisonous arrows at her.
But she was wearing a troiant and most of the archers
actually hit themselves with their own arrows. So much for
the orquish archers.
The oliphant-drivers pointed their oliphants at the gorgeous
but misunderstood nendrai. So she teleported over and
modified their loyalties, so that they rampaged over the
remaining orques. So much for the remaining orquish archers.
"Hisss! We kill!" said the Nazgul. "I, in particular,
kill!" said the chief Nazgul, "For I cannot be killed by
"Ooh, goodie! An immortal!" squeaked Vaery-Siw, and blinked
her opal-purple eyes. She turned him into a cow, and then
turned his/her new bovine horns into whips that lashed
his/her back, and tucked him/her into a pocket universe for
later torture. "It'll be a long time before that not-a-man
comes to kill you and thereby set you free!"
The other Nazgul flew away on their cute flying lizards, or
"We're saved! Yay!" said everyone in Minas Tirith.
"We're going to hold a victory banquet," said Gandalf,
wagging his tail. "I know it's very irregular, but,
just this once, you can come right inside the front
gate of Minas Tirith."
Vaery-Siw was overcome by emotions. She wept dagrs of glass
that ripped her glowing mauve eyes to shreds, but for once
she didn't mind.
I'm not really in a hurry to see what she's going to do in
|Monday, January 24th, 2005|
|OOC: World Tree Alignment System
In response to this
, I have to say...
I don't think they're chaotic. ... I don't think that World
I haven't read the World Tree sourcebook, but I saw this
review on RPG.net a couple years ago ... doesn't World Tree
use a five-dimensional alignment system, corresponding to
the five senses?
||perfect pitch / tone deaf
||pretentious / humble
||teleological / non-teleological
|the other one
||busybody / ignorant of other people's personal lives
|Friday, December 3rd, 2004|
| I Am A:
Neatral Good Elf Mage Ranger
characters believe in the power of neatness above all else. They will
to make the world a more tidy place, and will do whatever is necessary
bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered
are the double-jointedest of all
races, although they are generally a bit sexier than humans. They are
generally well-cultured, friends with people of other religions,
artistic, apoplectic, easy-going, and because of their
long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races
frequently concern themselves with such as eating and housecleaning.
Elves are, effectively, polygonal,
although they can be filleted. After a thousand years or so, they
simply slip out to the next plane of existance and don't leave a
harness the magical energies for their own abuse. Spells, spell books,
and long hours in the library with their lovers are crucial. While
physically strong, they can stick to almost any surface, and be cleaned
in the dishwasher.
are the defenders of society and the elements. They are
in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it full of celebrities.
is the Neatral Good goddess of scholarly desserts. She is also known as
the Lady of
Mysteries, but that's just a bad pun on her name. She is completely
straightforward. Followers of Mystra wear axtolotl-skin armor and carry
shields with her
symbol on them. Mystra's symbol is a heavily footnoted recipe for
Find out What D&D Character Are You?
, courtesy ofNeppyMan
(e-mail),. Then lie about it.
|Monday, August 30th, 2004|
This one took a lot of explanations, not all of which
|Are you mono or polytheistic?
||Polytheistic, of course. Ignoring all but one of our 7+12
berserk, childish gods is hardly good form for an
enchantment student, since any spell requires at least
one Noun and at least one Verb.
|Do you subscribe to a major religion?
I'm afraid I let my subscription lapse.
|How do you feel about Jesus?
He sounds like a mage of adequate skill, especially for
|What holy book do you feel is most accurate (Bible,
||I am partial to Impractical Uses of Destroc,
|Do you believe in reincarnation?
||Um ... no. I hereby deny Olixthaenen's experiments,
and all of the related work for the last two thousand
some-odd years. Especially my own grandparent's.
|Do you believe in the traditional heaven and hell?
I believe that those who build heavens and hells should
build new, fashionable heavens and hells every season!
|Do you believe in ANY heaven and/or hell?
Doesn't Mircannis have a heaven of sorts?
|Do you think the god(s) are vengeful or nice?
Vengeful gods: "Here", Iraz Varuun, Flokin, Birkozon,
Accanax, Gnarn, and perhaps a couple others. Nice gods:
Mircannis, maybe? Iraz Halix, maybe? Flokin, maybe?
|Do you believe in angels?
In the sense of "servitors of the gods", well, yes. I
had dinner with Oeox Havahhment, which was visiting my
grandparent a couple years ago. He (?) sounded very
|Do you believe in miracles?
In the sense of "things that happen the way some god
wants, instead of normal and predictable ways?" Yes.
Approximately one spell-casting in six hundred results
in a miracle, usually a disappointing and annoying one.
|Do you believe in predestination?
Well, Kaimiri [time god -bb] supposedly has a book giving zir
servitors instructions about what to do under all
circumstances which arise. I don't think that it's a
Book of Fate that says everything that will happen. I
think it's a Book of Possibilities that covers all
situations that might happen. And, if Kaimiri
doesn't know the future, who does?
|Do you believe in original sin?
In the sense that some monsters somewhere disobeyed
their creator's agricultural orders? Sure, though if a
creator god can't get its creation to tend fruit trees
properly, he's surely inferior to even our
gods. Do I believe that, as a result of his own
incompetance in creating them, he is now perpetually
pissed off at them? No. Evan Accanax didn't do that.
|Do you believe in freedom of will?
|Do you believe in souls?
Sure. A Kennoc Spiridor 5 spell can detect 'em, after all.
|What do you think will happen to you when you die?
I do not expect the situation to arise!
|Do you think there will be an armageddon?
[Much research is done] So far as I can tell, I see no
reason to deny the existence of some mountain
|Why do you think we exist?
I exist for the amusement of Hren Tzen. Dunno
|Do you believe in life on other planets?
|Do you believe in evolution?
[After another long explanation]. Oh ... our world
was created, so I guess the monstersome answer is
|Do you think religion and science will always oppose the other?
|What would you say to God if you met him/her/them today?
This is the monster god of the rest of this discussion?
"Please return me to my proper universe instantly!".
Or, if I am already there, I would try to get away as
quickly as possible, on the grounds that Flokin and
"Here" and perhaps some others would surely be on their
way to evict the dangerous lunatic from the World
Tree. They generally work on eviction first, and are
not careful with collateral damage.
|Anything else we should know?
A great deal, to be sure!
|Tuesday, May 11th, 2004|
I've decided to move Sythyry over to more of a superhero
format. Here's my concept -- sorta a blue feathery/scaly
kind of Captain Marvel/Shazam. Goes like this...
||The might of Solomon
||The primordeal stature of Ymir
||The might of Thor
||The might of Hercules
||The dark wisdom of Yama
||The judgement of Rhadamanthus
||The fashion sense of Yves Saint-Laurent
|Wednesday, April 14th, 2004|
How To Get Wife To Strip Pocker
Search Query du Jour: How To Get Wife To Strip
And yes, it turns up the Sythyry web page. Perhaps because
relatively few web pages talk about pockers (the World Tree
bird roughly homologous to a chicken) compared to the number
that talk about poker.
Bard:"Sythyry, I'd like to take this
opportunity to thank you for volunteering to do an advice
Sythyry:"I would hardly dream of stopping you!
Nor, indeed, of stopping anyone who wishes to thank me!
Unless, I suppose, such thankage were presented in the form
of mighty Destroc Corpador spells, in which case it might
better be termed revenge than thankage in any
Bard:"Well, the first question..."
Sythyry:"You were going to thank me,
were you not?"
Bard:"I thought I did... Rhys is keeping me up
late a lot, so I'm liable to forget many basic things, but
I'm pretty sure I thanked you."
Sythyry:"You simply expressed the intent,
Bard:[Sighing]"Right. By the authority vested
in me by, um, myself and Vicki, I hereby officially
gloriously pompously thank you for stuff. Now get to the
question, or I'll thwack you with a frozen kangaroo
Bard:"A hornless carcanofex."
Sythyry:"A creature of a substantial caudal
appendage. I cower; I whinge; I slink in fear; I retreat
beneath the tablecloth. You will excuse me if perform these
activities spiritually rather than physically, for I am not
Sythyry:"When one's supposed author, who has
supposedly condemned one to a series of miserable
not-sufficiently-romantic encounters, demands that one give
romantic advice to extradimensional monsters in utterly
incomprehensible situations, sobriety is scarcely called
Bard:"I might think that one would want one's
wits about one."
Sythyry:"Cast Guard in the Pub on me if
you'd like. I'm out of cley."
Bard:"I ... don't have that spell. Can we get
to the question?"
Sythyry:"Whenever you like!"
Bard:"The first question is, then, How To
Get Wife To Strip Pocker."
Sythyry:"That's not so much of a
question as, well, an incoherent mumbling
mush of words."
Bard:"Well, I don't write these things, I
simply collect them. Perhaps other people will give more
coherent questions as responses to this column."
Sythyry:"I suppose I should be grateful that at
least it is not a demand for romantic advice by
extradimensional monsters in utterly incomprehensible
Bard:"And the answer is...?"
Sythyry:"Get the cook to do it."
Sythyry:"Get the cook to strip the feathers
from the pocker."
Bard:"I get the impression that the querent
doen't have a cook."
Sythyry:"Ah, these monsters are commoners.
They should get a monsterish equivalent of Strip
Pocker[World Tree spell names, like everything else, are
done in translation. -- bb]
spell. It, well, takes the feathers off of a
bird. While you concentrate. On which bits of the pocker
are the feathers and which bits are the delectable flesh of
the breast and which bits are the tips of your fingers.
Destroy the first, but not the second or the third."
Bard:"These creatures are incapable of Corpador
Sythyry:"Well, then, does this gentle-entity
want my advice in how to compel zir wife to obedience in the
Sythyry:"I am a Zi Ri endowed with considerable
imagination, vast intelligence, huge estates, dependable
immortality, delectable genitalia, and an ego the size of
the Hollow Moon and twice as deserving to be punctured.
Nonetheless I cannot see why
I am called upon to answer this question. I have
never been married; if I were, it would not be to a wife,
nor to someone who would ever have any need of going into
the kitchen to pluck a bird not greatly smaller than
Bard:"Take it up with the dude at
Bard:"22.214.171.124. It's an IP
Sythyry:"I am unsure how to navigate those
highly-numbered realms of urination. I hope to remain
unsure about this topic forever."
Bard:"Just answer the question."
Sythyry:"Well, then, here is the answer. Say
to her, Please be so kind as to pluck this pocker. If
you do, I shall scritch your ears and grant you sexual
favors. If you do not, I shall bite your ears and recommend
that you apply to the residents of Smurdley's Home For The
Decrepitly Incapacitated for sexual
Bard:"That doesn't sound like very good
Sythyry:"It is not. It is dreadful
relationship advice. Even I, who by your wicked
machinations have not managed to have much of a relationship
yet, recognize how bad this advice is. Nonetheless, it is
my advice to this querent. And if any other monsters dare
ask more questions, I shall give them equally distinctive
Bard:"In fact, there are some others. Hot
Sythyry:"Hot ... Hallucinogenic ... Peppers.
This is the question?"
Bard:"That is the question."
Sythyry:"Then the answer is, No, thank you.
My breath is quite hot enough, and with this advice column I
scarcely need hallucinogens."
Bard:"Stupid lizard. OK. Let me thank you for
your time and effort, Sythyry..."
Sythyry:"No. You'd best do something more
concrete to thank me than words, for this sort of
[Exeunt, in opposite directions, both fuming.]